Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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