I hate your face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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