the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
