I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
