worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
