i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
