She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
