maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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