it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
