I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
