first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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