We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
