My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
