I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
