Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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