So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
