the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
