He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
