ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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