My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
