Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Four minutes until I can fart!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
