): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
