I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
