i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
