he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
