i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
