I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
