his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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