i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
