I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i've created a new STD.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
