oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
