I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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