Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again

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  (810): I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again http://tfl.nu/f45r
  Replies (1) Good night (1609) Bad night (503)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..

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  (586): Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away.. http://tfl.nu/t5um
  Replies (22) Good night (3070) Bad night (1201)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess

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  (651): Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess http://tfl.nu/7tw6
  Replies (6) Good night (920) Bad night (2221)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.

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  (703): you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still. http://tfl.nu/6jjh
  Replies (23) Good night (5324) Bad night (919)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

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  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14960) Bad night (1260)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."

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  (301): I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free." http://tfl.nu/6sne
  Replies (15) Good night (909) Bad night (4727)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

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  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (2313) Bad night (6155)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest

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  (732): I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest http://tfl.nu/b35x
  Replies (20) Good night (5430) Bad night (2060)
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  (916): View more from California

  i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable

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  (916): i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable http://tfl.nu/k7qc
  Replies (8) Good night (2450) Bad night (1259)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.

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  (512): Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it. http://tfl.nu/4ruk
  Replies (5) Good night (2443) Bad night (786)
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  (619): View more from California

  He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.

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  (619): He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one. http://tfl.nu/6tfs
  Replies (6) Good night (3040) Bad night (654)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  sorry

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  why?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?

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  (301): sorry (304): why? (301): oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you? http://tfl.nu/0491
  Replies (2) Good night (2436) Bad night (685)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.

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  (608): You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here. http://tfl.nu/9wgz
  Replies (9) Good night (483) Bad night (1497)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.

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  (631): So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself. http://tfl.nu/iw9c
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (314)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.

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  (508): It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming. http://tfl.nu/nix9
  Replies (7) Good night (264) Bad night (449)

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