We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?