If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
