theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.