bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.