this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
