I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
