dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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