Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
