haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
