it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
