Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
