if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
PANTIES FOUND
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