the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
