i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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