So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
