My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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