I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Welp...herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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