I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
