There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
