I am in a vortex of obligation.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
