god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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my liver is dry heaving
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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