Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
