i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
