Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
