I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
