i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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