I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
