You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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