he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
