I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who died my cat blue again?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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