her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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