; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i wish my penis had a tongue
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
