shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
