I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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