we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.