to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
being pregnant is like rehab
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today