How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.