I met the friendliest cop last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.