Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter