I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You're like the curious george of whores
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
