upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off