ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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