i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
