i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
