Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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