dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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