Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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