I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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