bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
