If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
