i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
