Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
