I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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