Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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