Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
