He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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