About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
