tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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