i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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